Bored In The Bedroom
Why you're bored in the bedroom
Feeling sexually bored? This may be why.
by: E.B. Johnson
Has your sex life become stale, stagnant, and boring? There's nothing worse than getting stuck in a rut in the bedroom. When your sex life gets boring, it can cause serious rifts and disconnects with your partners. For many of us, a full and healthy sex life is important. It makes us feel closer to our partner and brings that spark and sense of attraction back into the relationship. You don't have to settle for intimacy that's subpar. You can get things back on track with understanding, compassion, and some concentrated action.
Why you're bored in the bedroom.
There are a lot of reasons we can get bored in the bedroom, and most of them can be addressed with a little honesty and re-thinking. More often than not, we get bored because we stop being spontaneous. We don't speak up for our needs and we don't tell our partners what we want. When boredom is masking discomfort, it's important to be honest. Once you know where the boredom is coming from, you can figure out a path forward.
Not speaking up
One of the most common reasons we get bored in the bedroom is our failure to speak up. We don't tell our partner what we want; we don't tell them what turns us on, and we certainly don't tell them we're bored. It's a terrible pattern to get caught in. To have good sex with your partner, tell them what good sex looks and feels like to you.
Emotional detachment
While some casual sexual encounters can certainly benefit from a level of detachment, the long-term committed relationship cannot. Sex becomes stagnant when there's no emotional connection behind it for the committed couple. Our pleasure is heightened when it's intertwined with that of someone we care deeply for. We like to see them enjoy themselves, and they return that care. It makes things deeper and more gratifying.
Overall boredom
Believe it or not, the quality of our sex lives is directly related to the quality of our day-to-day lives. Are you and your partner struggling to connect outside of the bedroom? Are you bored with your relationship or partner? That makes it hard to get in the mood or see your partner as a sexual being. The longer this goes on, the more sexually bored we can become with each other.
Same-old, same-old
What is your sex life really like? Would you call it predictable? When there's no spontaneity, we can get bored with what's going on. As humans, we're intelligent creatures, and our needs grow and change over time. This includes our sexual needs, even when we're in a serious relationship. If you never try new things, then you're sure to shut down and get shut off.
Low priority
Is sex a top priority in your life? Like any other skill, our sex gets better when we practice it with our partners. When sex is not a high priority in your life, you and your partner don't get a lot of time to work out your compatibility or try new things. If sex is important to us, then we have to make room for it in our lives both mindfully and intentionally.
One-sided effort
Does you expect your partner to do all the initiating with sex? Are they always the one making their desire known (which you then reciprocate or not)? One-sided effort is a turnoff, and it's boring too. Eventually, your partner is going to get tired of making all the effort — and you're going to get bored with the same old song-and-dance every time you want to have sex.
How to turn things around for a better love life.
Don't settle for a sex life that's subpar or boring. Whether you are in a long-term relationship, or you're just starting out with someone new — focus on initiating things a little more often and making your desire known to your partner. From there, you can both make space and time to be spontaneous and try new things.
1. Change things up
The best thing you can do is make the conscious choice to change things up. If your sex life is one-sided, initiate more often. If you have so much sex that it's lost its meaning — take some time off. You both need to take a step back and look at what's going wrong in your sexual relationship, then make a conscious effort to change those things in whatever way they need to be changed. If what you're doing isn't working…try something else.
2. Get comfy talking about it
We have to be able to talk to our partners about sex first and foremost. That's the clearest path to getting things back on track and getting what we want sexually. We get bored because we don't tell our partner that there's something different to try. Speak up. Find a way to get comfortable talking to your partner about what you want in bed. And if you can't, then you need to speak to a professional who can help you address your sexual needs.
3. Show each other desire
It's so crucial that both partners show one another desire in building long-lasting and healthy sexual relationships. Too many of us assume our partners know what we want, or even when we're turned on. It's not magic. You can't afford to assume that your partner knows how much you want them. Make your desire for them known, and encourage them to do the same. It's a lot easier to break those sexual tensions when we're clear that we're ready for them to be broken.
4. Make time for intimacy
If you're not making time for sex in your relationships, then you will not have room for sex in your relationships. It's easy to get caught up in this routine. There's a lot of pressure and responsibilities that are getting dealt with. You've got to get the kids to school, and you've got to get to work for a big meeting. It's a lot to deal with. You still have to make time for one another. Each week, set apart one-on-one time to do fun things that leave for you to get attracted to one another and turned-on.
5. Embrace spontaneity
There can be no denying the power of spontaneity in reviving our sexual relationships. Instead of settling for boredom, embrace your sexuality when and where it strikes. Try new things in the bedroom. Try having sex in unique positions, in different areas of the house, or at different times of the day. Spontaneity is like the electric shock that revives our sex lives from the dead. We discover parts of our desires we never knew existed.
Putting it all together…
Has your sex life gotten boring? Are you and your partner stuck in a rut and doing the same-old, same-old in the bedroom? Rather than settling for a sexual relationship that doesn't satisfy you, you can take steps to turn things around. First, address the root of your boredom, though, so you can put together a clear path back to intimate happiness.
Change things up. If your sex life has gotten one-sided, be the initiator for a while. If it's gotten boring from too much sex — take some time off. Do things differently, and do them from a conscious place. Get comfortable talking to your partners about sex and encourage them to talk to you about their desires and their needs, too. When you talk, you can get yourself on the same page. Show each other desire. Don't assume the other person knows you're in the mood, or how much you find them attractive. Make time for intimacy and do it regularly. Switch things up. Embrace some spontaneity (both in and out of the bedroom). The deeper our connection with one another is, the better our sex lives get, too. Never underestimate the power of an emotional bond.
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Source: https://www.eb-johnson.com/why-youre-bored-in-the-bedroom-fa2b9a6ecac3
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